Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
