so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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