Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
