She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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