can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
