I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
