I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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