She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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