I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
