he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
