apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
