Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
