Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
