after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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