It's like God shit irony all over that family
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
