I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The air was thick with penises
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
