LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
