I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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