I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
