Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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