im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
