TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
