Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
