She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
