it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
