i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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