You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
