We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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