Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
