I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
