That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
