White coat. Heels.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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