It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
