Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
