Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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