This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
