i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
