Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
