I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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