I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
