Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
