did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
