pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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