no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
