I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
