We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
