Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
