About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
