I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
