Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
