How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I believe in your delicious
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
