hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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