it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
