i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
