i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
